I tend to pop out Right away once there's the official "your pregnant' sign, probably even sooner than that. I've had a lot of people ask me already and one lady ask if I knew what I was having.
Love strangers! :)
We were going to veto the whole wait until we're past the first trimester to tell anyone, since people are already asking questions and I can't exactly hide my pregnancies anyway, but plans changed the day before we left for Idaho.
Tuesday, July 2nd, I went in for a Dr.s appointment for my first check up, they did an ultrasound to measure the baby. I saw the baby and my gut feeling was exactly what was predicted, something was wrong. The baby measured about a week and half behind. That's a big difference at the beginning of a pregnancy.
My Dr. proceeded to tell me about his concerns being so far away from home and possibly going through a miscarriage. The whole time in Idaho, I had a feeling in the back of my mind that this pregnancy wasn't going to last, but I held on to whatever hope I had inside me. Then, I started to notice my symptoms weren't coming around anymore.
I never started the miscarriage process, so I went in to my scheduled appointment the day after we got back from Idaho. They did another ultrasound. Before the Dr said a word, I noticed and knew what he was about to tell me. The sac and baby were there, but the baby still measured 6 weeks. "It looks as though the baby died right after the first ultrasound because it looks even smaller now." My heart sank. Deep down I knew this. Now, it's been confirmed and no hope is left or thoughts of maybe. But it's ok.
Today I have started to spot for the first time and cramp a little more. I am scheduled for a D and C Friday morning. I don't think this baby will come on its own, it didn't with my last miscarriage. (Actually, there are a lot of similarities between the two of them. I won't go into detail, but it is interesting to me.) I'm not looking forward to Friday, but I am ready to move on from all of this.
The Lord has been preparing me for this. I have felt His love and warmth and comfort through every bit of this. That I can not deny! He has been listening and answering my prayers. I have prayed for strength, and I have never felt stronger, emotionally and spiritually. I prayed to forget and not worry while in Idaho, and I was able to have fun and have belly laughs! I prayed for comfort and I not only have my family and friends, but I have also felt His arms around me, at times when I needed it the most. The Lord has been right by my side every step of the way and for that I am Most grateful to Him, and for the Atonement. I know I don't fully comprehend the Atonement and I probably won't in its entirety in this lifetime, but every trial I have, I have a little bit more of a perspective of what I can learn and gain from it.
Sorry for the Not so Good news for today. Tomorrow will be a better day! :)
1 comment:
Kelli, I am so sorry :( I hadn't known about your miscarriage til just barely when I caught up on your blog. I hope the D & C went smoothly and that you're feeling better physically and emotionally. I know how hard a miscarriage can be. I love you, girl!
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