A "Debbie downer" :(

Andrew and I were shocked and excited when we found out we were pregnant 5 weeks ago.  I would be 9 1/2 weeks along.

I tend to pop out Right away once there's the official "your pregnant' sign, probably even sooner than that.  I've had a lot of people ask me already and one lady ask if I knew what I was having.  

Love strangers!  :)  

We were going to veto the whole wait until we're past the first trimester to tell anyone, since people are already asking questions and I can't exactly hide my pregnancies anyway, but plans changed the day before we left for Idaho.  

Tuesday, July 2nd, I went in for a Dr.s appointment for my first check up, they did an ultrasound to measure the baby.  I saw the baby and my gut feeling was exactly what was predicted, something was wrong.  The baby measured about a week and half behind.  That's a big difference at the beginning of a pregnancy.  

My Dr. proceeded to tell me about his concerns being so far away from home and possibly going through a miscarriage.  The whole time in Idaho, I had a feeling in the back of my mind that this pregnancy wasn't going to last, but I held on to whatever hope I had inside me.  Then, I started to notice my symptoms weren't coming around anymore.  

I never started the miscarriage process, so I went in to my scheduled appointment the day after we got back from Idaho.  They did another ultrasound.  Before the Dr said a word, I noticed and knew what he was about to tell me.   The sac and baby were there, but the baby still measured 6 weeks. "It looks as though the baby died right after the first ultrasound because it looks even smaller now." My heart sank.  Deep down I knew this.  Now, it's been confirmed and no hope is left or thoughts of maybe.  But it's ok.  

Today I have started to spot for the first time and cramp a little more.  I am scheduled for a D and C Friday morning.  I don't think this baby will come on its own, it didn't with my last miscarriage.    (Actually, there are a lot of similarities between the two of them.  I won't go into detail, but it is interesting to me.) I'm not looking forward to Friday, but I am ready to move on from all of this.  

The Lord has been preparing me for this.  I have felt His love and warmth and comfort through every bit of this.  That I can not deny!  He has been listening and answering my prayers.  I have prayed for strength, and I have never felt stronger, emotionally and spiritually.  I prayed to forget and not worry while in Idaho, and I was able to have fun and have belly laughs!  I prayed for comfort and I not only have my family and friends, but I have also felt His arms around me, at times when I needed it the most.  The Lord has been right by my side every step of the way and for that I am Most grateful to Him, and for the Atonement.  I know I don't fully comprehend the Atonement and I probably won't in its entirety in this lifetime, but every trial I have, I have a little bit more of a perspective of what I can learn and gain from it.  

Sorry for the Not so Good news for today.  Tomorrow will be a better day!  :)